I have stopped dieting.
Whoa. Wait a minute? Did I say that? More importantly, did I say that 2 months before MY WEDDING???
I did. Because I love my daughter.
A week ago, I was making my bed and my perfect little angel baby was playing with my makeup bag, as she is wont to do. She usually dumps it all over the floor, then finds the most ridiculous thing she can to put in the middle of the living room floor, usually an (unused) OB tampon, cause it is the perfect size for her little fist and, more importantly, because it will cause the most embarrassment found when company finds it in her little fingers.
This time, however, she had a different mission. She found the eyeshadow applicator I use for the dark gray shadow and started using it.
She held it properly. She smeared it in the correct place. She didn't poke her eye. SHE IS 15 MONTHS OLD!!!
I, of course, did not stop her. It was way too adorable. I took pictures instead.
But I also realized...she is already watching me. She is already mimicing what I do. If she can watch me apply makeup and then flawlessy apply it on herself...what am I teaching her by hating my body?
Growing up, my parents loved me unconditionally. They thought I was perfect just the way I was. But my mom was always trying new diets, always failing new diets, never being happy with the way she looked. I picked that up. My mother is a fabulous woman, completely beautiful and the most fun to have at a party. I just don't know if she knows that.
So I am going to be happy with myself. No diets. Healthy eating, yes, because, well, DUH. But no crazy diets. No going to the gym when I could be playing with her. Instead, we will go for walks. We will wrestle on the floor. I will fly her around the living room while she giggles. No more thinking, "I would be so much happier a couple of sizes smaller," because I have everything I need anyways. I am not going to wait to start living anymore.